


Parasite Prince

by WritingsOfAHobbit



Series: Kili/Reader Stories [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3249773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingsOfAHobbit/pseuds/WritingsOfAHobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili and (Y/N) have been courting for a while, waiting to have their marriage after the quest for Erebor is complete. During the journey, they often sneak away for some steamy moments, although it never goes too far. It’s after the company confronts the trolls that (Y/N) starts to tease Kili about his “large parasites” whenever he tries to kiss her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parasite Prince

When Thorin had granted you permission to come of the quest, your imagination had run away with you. You hadn’t exactly imagined performing hero-like deeds from the stories you heard as a child, but neither did you imagine being dumped in a sack by three hungry trolls.

Still, you were luckier than some of your travelling companions. You weren’t stripped down to your underwear and tied to a spit. For that, you were eternally grateful. You may have just died of mortification if the company had seen you in such a state of undress!

Not that you would have minded Kili seeing you in your underclothes. He’s certainly seen you in less over the last few months!

If your mother knew that you were sneaking off into the bushes to fool around with Kili then she would hand you out with the washing. You’d say ‘If Thorin knew…’ but he knows everything when it comes to your nephews. Just like how he knew you and Kili were courting before even Fili did, and just how he knew that the two of you were intended before you’d even spoken to your parent’s about it.

“They have worms in their tubes!”

Your head snaps up to stare incredulously at the hobbit. Did he just say that you’re infected? The nerve! You are incredibly clean thank you very mu-oh!

The wind is knocked from your lungs as Bombur lands heavily on your stomach. Well, his feet land on your stomach. Kili bears the brunt of it.

“Did he say we don’t have parasites?” Oin shouts in Kili’s face.

“We don’t have parasites!” the young prince objects. “You have parasites!”

Perhaps not the best come back, but the other dwarves start to join in the protests. You open your mouth to join the outcry but Thorin’s boot connects with the small of your back. You turn to glare at your future uncle, but his eyes are focussed on the hobbit.

The kick must have hit Kili too as the protests suddenly stop.

“Mine are the biggest parasites! I’ve got huge parasites!”

You nearly choke on your tongue as you try to keep from laughing. Oh, couldn’t you have fallen in love with an intelligent dwarf?

Thankfully Gandalf arrives before Kili can say something else foolish.

Bilbo is sweet enough to cut you and Thorin loose first, as you were the only two to not threaten him…. verbally.

Kili grins up at you as you lean over with the knife and… cut Oin loose. Then Bombur, Gloin and Fili. With each dwarf Kili’s face darkens. “Hey!” he protests as you slip the knife into your boot. “What about me?”

You blink innocently at him. “I don’t want parasites.”

From behind you Fili bursts out laughing, clapping you on the shoulder. “I think we should leave him in the sack!” the heir chortles. “It rather suits him!”

“Stop fooling around.” Thorin snaps as he stalks past. “We have wasted too much time. Fili, cut your brother loose.” He may sound annoyed, but you swear you can see his mouth twitch in a smile as he leaves to speak to Gandalf.

You hold out the knife to Fili. “You better do it. You’ve probably already got parasites.” You say solemnly.

“Me? You’re the one sharing all sorts of body fluid with him!”

You feel the heat on your cheeks but it is Kili who throws a few curses in his brother’s direction. “Fili, take the knife before I bury it in your shoulder.”

Fili laughs, taking the knife and cutting his brother free.

“It’s never gotten that far.” Kili mutters as Fili helps him to his feet.

“Aw, you know I was only jesting!” Fili hands the knife back and you slip it into your boot.

Kili holds out a hand to you and you eye it wearily. “Shouldn’t you wash first?” Kili rolls his eyes at you but you can’t help the grin. Kili opens his mouth to retort but Balin calls you over.

“Help Nori round up the ponies, lassie. You’re one of the few who can do it quickly.”

X

Fate is mean and you find yourself spending the night in Rivendell. Your toes are curling just thinking about all of the green food, pointed eared hosts and passive aggressive comments. None of the others are very happy about it, but destroying a few tables to create a fire to cook sausages has lightened the mood a little.

You’re seated on the ground between Fili and Kili, fending off your future brother in attempt to keep your sausages safe. You eventually give in and hand him the last one, only for Kili to give him one of yours. You eye it cautiously. “Is it clean?”

“What? Of course it’s clean!” Kili looks confused for a moment until he realises you’re still teasing him about the parasite remark.

Earlier, before the orcs came and you had to take shelter in Rivendell, he’d tried to kiss you. Nothing serious, just a normal little kiss. You’d pushed him away, laughing about his parasitic infection. The same had happened upon arriving in Rivendell. The same thing happens now, when he tries to kiss you by distracting you with food.

“You’re not being fair!” Kili whines, folding his arms in what is definitely a pout.

“Perhaps you should think twice before you declare you have parasites!”

The other dwarves laugh, but Kili doesn’t even crack a smile. You can tell that you’ve nearly pushed him too far. With a guilty smile you lean across and kiss him soundly on the lips, much to the amusement of your companions.

“Aw, I love you really, Kili.” You grin. “Parasites and all.”


End file.
